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I am who I am. No matter what you do or say, I will never change for you... You don't have to care, all you have to do is shut up and read!
I'm drinking again. (Big surprise this is.) Anyway, this time, I'm mixing beer together with hard liqueur to give me a kick faster as I want to forget all of this quickly and because I've got school tomorrow therefore I have to get up early. I just hope I won't get any hangovers. Anyway, I've never really got one before thus I don't think I will get one tomorrow morning. Anyway, why am I always such a failure? No matter what I do, I fail and suck at it. Even when I try my best and put my all into something into it, I will fail. I may look all successful and act like I don't care however, it's all a facade. I just fall to pieces when it all comes apart no matter how I try to hold it together or up. I just wish it wasn't this way. I really wish that things will work for me. Sometimes, it seems like it's all going well only for it to come apart at the last moment. I just want all of it to stop.
The voices are certainly coming back. The medicines can only suppress things for a certain amount of time or make me relax but it all will end at some point. The alcohol can only make me happy and think of nothing for a short while. I just wish that there was something that can suppress it forever. Suicide is just overly rated, you can't really die from slitting your wrists like what the movies say and when you overdose on panadol, you too won't die. I just want something to make me forget all these angst and memories.
x8vi3r 2:08 am
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